Time To Poke The Reptile ...

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Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 2:20 am

/

What do you call 12 gators in a basement..?

A Whine Cellar .

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

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Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 3:12 am

/

Two Cars driving in opposite directions on I-75 [Alligator Alley] ...
1 Driven by a Cane, the other by a gator.

1 Car blows a tire, spinning out of control, collides with the other car, both being completely totaled, twisted into heaps of scrap wreckage.

Disoriented, the Cane pulls himself from his smashed vehicle, and astonished at the destruction he sees, amazed even to be alive.

Likewise, the gator too crawls out from the mangled mess, in awe of what he sees.

Both taken aback by the sheer miracle they can walk, let alone breath --
The Cane; "Wow, to survive such a crash! It sure puts things into perspective."
The gator; "You're not kidding. To think of how close that was to being the end, I dunno what to say. This might be a sign from God to put away all the hate between us for so long, just because you're a Cane and I'm a Gator. It all seems so petty now. What do you say we set aside our differences, and live life as friends instead of as rivals?"
The Cane; "You are absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else survived the wreck."

The Cane goes over to what's left of his car, leans half of his body inside and rummages about for a moment. He reemerges with a bottle of Jack Daniels --
The Cane; "Unbelievable. How did this not break in the crash?"
The gator; "Wow, that is pretty unbelievable."
The Cane; "I think this is a sign from God too. That we should toast our new found understanding and friendship for each other, and thankfulness to be alive?"
The gator; "You're darn Right!"

The gator grabs the bottle --
"To new friendship."

The gator and starts gulping down -- After Chugging nearly half the bottle, then hands the bottle towards the Cane --
The gator; "Here you go, friend, your turn."

The Cane takes the bottle and screws the cap back on --
The Cane; "Nahh, I think I'll wait for the police to show up."

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Last edited by Cane from the Bend on Wed Jun 05, 2019 6:55 am, edited 3 times in total.
Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 3:38 am

/

What's the Best Way to keep the florida gators off of your property ..?

Put Goal Posts in your Yard.

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 3:42 am

/

I don't speak to florida grads often. But when I do, I ask for extra fries and a large drink.

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 3:49 am

/

Question = What does a florida grad call a florida state grad..?
Answer = Boss

Question = What does a florida grad call a Miami grad..?
Answer = Trick question; a Miami grad would never pick up the phone for a florida grad, and always delegates the little issues to the guy down stairs. See answer above.

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Last edited by Cane from the Bend on Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:14 am, edited 2 times in total.
Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 3:53 am

/

Miami Grad = Name on Building
UCF Grad = Name on Lobby Wall
FSU Grad = Name on Door
USF Grad = Name on Desk
florida Grad = Name on Shirt

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 5:36 am

/

University of Florida Enrollment Application:

Name:______________________________________________________________
Nickname:__________________________________________________________
C.B. Handle:________________________________________________________
Address (RFD):______________________________________________________
Daddy:_____________________________________________________________
(if unknown list 3 suspects) _______________,______________,_____________
Neck Size:____ check one: [_]Light Red [_] Medium Red [_] Dark Red [_] Other
Number of teeth exposed in Full Grin:____ Upper:____ Lower:____
Make of Pickup:_________________________ Tire Size:__________
Hounds:______Type:[_] BlueTick [_] Beagle [_] Black and Tan
Length of Right Leg:______Length of Left Leg:______Other:______
How many cars/makes in your front yard?:_____ How many on Blocks?:______
How many Kitchen Appliances on front porch?:_______ Back porch?:________
When & Where was your last Elvis Sighting?:_____________________________
Do you mostly wear: [_] Jorts You Bought [_] Jorts You Cut Yourself [_]
[_] Jorts You Barrow [_] Jorts You Stole from Your Neighbors Closeline
Are you Married to any of the following? (circle all that apply)
-Sister--Cousin--Cousin's Sister--Other; Explain:__________________________
Have you EVER had more than one bath in a week?: [_] NO
[_] Yes; Explain:______________________________________________________

*Medical Information* Do you have at least (2) of the following:
[_] B.O. [_] Lice [_] Crabs [_] Bad Breath [_] Hoof in Mouth
[_] Scabs [_] Fleas [_] Infected Tatoos [_] Crossed Eyes
[_] Runny Nose [_] Green Teeth [_] Yellow Teeth
[_] Any Teeth [_] Speech Impediment

*General Information*

Can You Count Past 20 without Skipping? [_] Yes [_] NO [_] Never Tried

Favorite Weapon: [_] Tire Iron [_] Banjo [_] Chain [_] Pick Handle [_] Log
[_] Shotgun [_] Fishing Rod [_] Car Antenna [_]Other; Explain:_____________

Favorite Pastime: [_] Drinkin' [_] Coon Huntin' [_] Fishin' [_] Feudin'

Other Truck Equipment: [_] Gun Rack [_] Fuzz Buster [_] 8-Track [_] Roll Bar
[_] C.B. Radio [_] Beer Cans [_] Squirrel Tail [_] Bull Horns [_] Spare Hubcaps

Favorite Vocalist: [_] Elvis (the young Elvis) [_] Elvis (the Old Elvis) [_] Elvis (Dead)

Cap Emblems: (check all that apply)
[_] John Deere [_] CAT [_] SKOAL [_] Teamsters [_] Ford
[_] Jack Daniels [_] Budweiser [_] Bud Light [_] Levis

Do You Vote?: [_] Yes [_] No [_] Not Sure [_] Other

Have You Ever Been In Jail?: [_] Yes [_] No [_] Does Born There Count?

Signature (one X will do):___________________________________________

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.
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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 6:47 am

/

florida Final Exam: (this same exam will be given for every course)


Instructions ~
Read Each Question Carefully
Answer All Questions
Time Limit, 3 Weeks
Begin Immediately

1. What Language do French People Speak?
(a.) Not American
(b.) French
(c.) Commy
(d.) Foreign

2. Give a dissertation of the Ancient Babylonian Empire
with particular reference to Architecture, Literature,
Law and Social Conditions - OR, give the first name of
DONALD J. Trump

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to:
(a.) build a bridge
(b.) sail the ocean
(c.) lead an army
(d.) WRITE A PLAY

4. What Religion is the Pope? (check only one)
(a.) Jewish
(b.) Catholic
(c.) Argentinian
(d.) Hindu
(e.) Agnostic

5. Metric Conversion: How many Feet are in O.O Meters?

6. What time is it when the Big hand is on the 12
and the Little hand is on the 5?

7. How many Commandment was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are people in America's far North called?
(a.) Westerners
(b.) Southerners
(c.) Northerners

9. Spell: Bush, Carter and Clinton

10. Six Kings of England Have been called George;
the last one being 'George the Sixth'.
Name the previous five.

11. Where does Rain come from?
(a.) the Mall
(b.) a 7-11
(c.) Canada
(d.) the Sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
(a.) Yes
(b.) No

13. What are Coat Hangers for?

14. The Star Spangled Banner is the United States'
National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chatelier's Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium;
OR, spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS

16. Where is the basement in a three story building?
(a.) not the first floor
(b.) not the second floor
(c.) not the third floor
(d.) down stairs
(e.) in the basement

17. What is the basement used for?
(a.) Stuff
(b.) Grandma
(c.) Spare Car Parts
(d.) To Hide From Hurricanes

18. Which part of America produces the most Florida Oranges?
(a.) New York
(b.) Florida
(c.) Canada
(d.) Wisconsin

19. Advanced Math: If you have 3 apples;
How many apples do you have?

20. What does NBC (National Broadcasting Company)
stand for?

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:03 am

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What's the difference between a Bucket of Manure and a florida gator?

The Bucket.

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Posts: 5061
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Contact:

Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:04 am

/

How can you tell that a gator is on location at an oil drilling rig?
He's the one throwing bread to the helicopters.

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Posts: 5061
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:21 am

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Question = If a university of florida Linebacker, Running Back and Tight End are riding in a car together, who is driving..?

Answer = A Cop

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

User avatar
Cane from the Bend
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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Wed Jun 05, 2019 7:22 am

/

What are the toughest 3 years of a gator fan's life..?

The third grade.

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Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson

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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby donovan » Wed Jun 05, 2019 9:50 am

The State of Florida is the old folks waiting room. ( I note Mr. Billybud bailed)
Statistics are the Morphine of College Football

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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Mountainman » Fri Jun 07, 2019 8:32 am

Cane from the Bend wrote:/

University of Florida Enrollment Application:

Name:______________________________________________________________
Nickname:__________________________________________________________
C.B. Handle:________________________________________________________
Address (RFD):______________________________________________________
Daddy:_____________________________________________________________
(if unknown list 3 suspects) _______________,______________,_____________
Neck Size:____ check one: [_]Light Red [_] Medium Red [_] Dark Red [_] Other
Number of teeth exposed in Full Grin:____ Upper:____ Lower:____
Make of Pickup:_________________________ Tire Size:__________
Hounds:______Type:[_] BlueTick [_] Beagle [_] Black and Tan
Length of Right Leg:______Length of Left Leg:______Other:______
How many cars/makes in your front yard?:_____ How many on Blocks?:______
How many Kitchen Appliances on front porch?:_______ Back porch?:________
When & Where was your last Elvis Sighting?:_____________________________
Do you mostly wear: [_] Jorts You Bought [_] Jorts You Cut Yourself [_]
[_] Jorts You Barrow [_] Jorts You Stole from Your Neighbors Closeline
Are you Married to any of the following? (circle all that apply)
-Sister--Cousin--Cousin's Sister--Other; Explain:__________________________
Have you EVER had more than one bath in a week?: [_] NO
[_] Yes; Explain:______________________________________________________

*Medical Information* Do you have at least (2) of the following:
[_] B.O. [_] Lice [_] Crabs [_] Bad Breath [_] Hoof in Mouth
[_] Scabs [_] Fleas [_] Infected Tatoos [_] Crossed Eyes
[_] Runny Nose [_] Green Teeth [_] Yellow Teeth
[_] Any Teeth [_] Speech Impediment

*General Information*

Can You Count Past 20 without Skipping? [_] Yes [_] NO [_] Never Tried

Favorite Weapon: [_] Tire Iron [_] Banjo [_] Chain [_] Pick Handle [_] Log
[_] Shotgun [_] Fishing Rod [_] Car Antenna [_]Other; Explain:_____________

Favorite Pastime: [_] Drinkin' [_] Coon Huntin' [_] Fishin' [_] Feudin'

Other Truck Equipment: [_] Gun Rack [_] Fuzz Buster [_] 8-Track [_] Roll Bar
[_] C.B. Radio [_] Beer Cans [_] Squirrel Tail [_] Bull Horns [_] Spare Hubcaps

Favorite Vocalist: [_] Elvis (the young Elvis) [_] Elvis (the Old Elvis) [_] Elvis (Dead)

Cap Emblems: (check all that apply)
[_] John Deere [_] CAT [_] SKOAL [_] Teamsters [_] Ford
[_] Jack Daniels [_] Budweiser [_] Bud Light [_] Levis

Do You Vote?: [_] Yes [_] No [_] Not Sure [_] Other

Have You Ever Been In Jail?: [_] Yes [_] No [_] Does Born There Count?

Signature (one X will do):___________________________________________

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.
.




darn, this looks familiar, I know I’v seen this somewhere before........ just can’t seem to recall where it was. :wink:
”We’re already in a time where the on-field aspect of College Football is almost a distraction. It’s an era filled with handwringing about player empowerment, NCAA deregulation, the transfer portal and realignment all while the sport generally moves toward a professional model.” ~ Dennis Dodd

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Re: Time To Poke The Reptile ...

Postby Cane from the Bend » Sat Jun 08, 2019 11:01 pm

Mountainman wrote:
Cane from the Bend wrote:/

University of Florida Enrollment Application:

Name:______________________________________________________________
Nickname:__________________________________________________________
C.B. Handle:________________________________________________________
Address (RFD):______________________________________________________
Daddy:_____________________________________________________________
(if unknown list 3 suspects) _______________,______________,_____________
Neck Size:____ check one: [_]Light Red [_] Medium Red [_] Dark Red [_] Other
Number of teeth exposed in Full Grin:____ Upper:____ Lower:____
Make of Pickup:_________________________ Tire Size:__________
Hounds:______Type:[_] BlueTick [_] Beagle [_] Black and Tan
Length of Right Leg:______Length of Left Leg:______Other:______
How many cars/makes in your front yard?:_____ How many on Blocks?:______
How many Kitchen Appliances on front porch?:_______ Back porch?:________
When & Where was your last Elvis Sighting?:_____________________________
Do you mostly wear: [_] Jorts You Bought [_] Jorts You Cut Yourself [_]
[_] Jorts You Barrow [_] Jorts You Stole from Your Neighbors Closeline
Are you Married to any of the following? (circle all that apply)
-Sister--Cousin--Cousin's Sister--Other; Explain:__________________________
Have you EVER had more than one bath in a week?: [_] NO
[size=85][_] Yes; Explain:______________________________________________________

*Medical Information* Do you have at least (2) of the following:
[_] B.O. [_] Lice [_] Crabs [_] Bad Breath [_] Hoof in Mouth
[_] Scabs [_] Fleas [_] Infected Tatoos [_] Crossed Eyes
[_] Runny Nose [_] Green Teeth [_] Yellow Teeth
[_] Any Teeth [_] Speech Impediment

*General Information*

Can You Count Past 20 without Skipping? [_] Yes [_] NO [_] Never Tried

Favorite Weapon: [_] Tire Iron [_] Banjo [_] Chain [_] Pick Handle [_] Log
[_] Shotgun [_] Fishing Rod [_] Car Antenna [_]Other; Explain:_____________

Favorite Pastime: [_] Drinkin' [_] Coon Huntin' [_] Fishin' [_] Feudin'

Other Truck Equipment: [_] Gun Rack [_] Fuzz Buster [_] 8-Track [_] Roll Bar
[_] C.B. Radio [_] Beer Cans [_] Squirrel Tail [_] Bull Horns [_] Spare Hubcaps

Favorite Vocalist: [_] Elvis (the young Elvis) [_] Elvis (the Old Elvis) [_] Elvis (Dead)

Cap Emblems: (check all that apply)
[_] John Deere [_] CAT [_] SKOAL [_] Teamsters [_] Ford
[_] Jack Daniels [_] Budweiser [_] Bud Light [_] Levis

Do You Vote?: [_] Yes [_] No [_] Not Sure [_] Other

Have You Ever Been In Jail?: [_] Yes [_] No [_] Does Born There Count?

Signature (one X will do):___________________________________________





darn, this looks familiar, I know I’v seen this somewhere before........ just can’t seem to recall where it was. :wink:


How good is your memory ..?

You may be remembering when it was originally posted back on the old site:
http://web.archive.org/web/200401052344 ... lID=582786

When, if I remember correctly myself, Larry asked us to post our favorite jabs at our rivals.

I think you chimed in a few times during Spence and some Michigan fan's ribs; where you made jabs that would insult one team, then end your line by sticking it to the other.

I believe Spence even made a comment: "There you go, firing from both barrels again."

.
.
.
Cane... [__]

"It is only impossible until it has been accomplished." ... then it becomes standardized ...

Success is measured by results; whereas Character is measured through the means by which one achieves those results . . .

It seems the Rapture did come for two worthy souls:
In Memory of Grandpa Howdy
In Memory of Donovan Davisson


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